This week’s guest predictor is Berlin-based UK garage/house producer xxxy.

 

Michael Gove v Melanie Phillips

Gove 75 – 25 Phillips

I think in the battle of the brexiteers, it comes down to who is the most renowned, and Gove, coming off the back of a big victory in his first fixture, will win based on the fact that more people will be aware of his arseholery.

Theresa May v Rupert Murdoch

May 30 – 70 Murdoch

The new PM versus the Real Madrid of arseholes. Murdoch would hold many league titles if this had been going for longer that a week. I’d be surprised if Murdoch doesn’t win the whole thing comfortably.

Paul Dacre v Louise Mensch

Dacre 55 – 45 Mensch

Tough one to call. One is the editor of the Mail, the other is trying to position herself as the new Katie Hopkins. I think Dacre will pip Mensch but they are both complete arseholes.

Kelvin MacKenzie v  Boris Johnson

MacKenzie 45 – 55 Johnson

Another close call. A man who printed lies about Hillsborough versus a man who will do anything to get himself as far in politics as possible. I think the Foreign Secretary (gag) will pip this one.

Piers Morgan v Liam Fox

There’s being an arsehole, there’s being a narcissistic arsehole and then there’s being Piers Morgan. Although Fox should be better known for letting his mate sit in on meetings at MoD , although his public spat with Boris may help him claw back some consolation votes.

Morgan 67- 33 Fox

Toby Young v Richard Littlejohn

Tough to call this one, but I think the ‘Toadmeister’, despite writing and tweeting complete shit, isn’t as well known as Littlejohn. After a heavy defeat in the opening fixture I think Littlejohn will pip him.

Young 45 – 55 Littlejohn

Nigel Farage v Jeremy Hunt

Two heavy-hitters here, both with big wins in the first round. I think Farage was worried about not taking the title so grew a tache, and Hunt is just Hunt.

Farage 53 – 47 Hunt

Iain Duncan Smith v Rebekah Brooks

Can’t see Brooks taking this. She’s not been in the news much, where as IDS will stain people’s memories for many years to come.

IDS 59 – 41 Brooks

Mike Ashley v Philip Hammond

Big Zero Hours Mike will take this one I think. I just don’t think Hammond has been high profile for long enough to take the victory. Should be tight though

Ashley 52 – 48 Hammond

Follow xxxy on Twitter @triplexy