Louise Mensch

Competitions
Arsehole Premier League
Age
46

Louise Daphne Mensch, the former MP for Corby, was the inspiration for the inquisitive children’s cartoon character “Daphne” from the cartoon Scooby Doo, the decent-looking one – not the freckly boot with the glasses.

Just as Daphne scored many successes debunking supposed paranormal phenomena such as werewolves and ghosts, Mensch has scored innumerable victories debunking extremist feminism, James Murdoch and Piers Morgan.

Mensch demonstrated her commitment to free speech during the English riots of 2011, by calling for certain aspects of social media including Twitter to be temporarily shut down to prevent the violence spreading like warm Marmite, leaving the then Chinese President, Hu Jintao, to comment “Fuck me, I wish I have her balls.”

Regarded as the second most beautiful woman in politics after Labour’s Harriet Harman, Mensch left the UK in 2014 after growing tired of being proposed to at bus stops, football matches and outlets of Bargain Booze.

Since leaving Britain she has ditched her dial-up modem, set up her own website and resisted overtures from right-leaning Japanese businessmen to sell her soiled underwear over the internet.

Mensch also plays Chess to grandmaster level after watching a five-minute Youtube documentary called “Freestyle Chess with Nigel Short”.

 

Next Match

Arsehole Premier League

Season
2016
Total

Career Total

Season
2016
Total