Liam Fox

liam fox
Competitions
Arsehole Premier League
Age
55

Liam Fox is a former Secretary of State for International Trade. He was later offered the Defence Secretary job for not being John Redwood.

Fox studied medicine at the University of Glasgow, but attracted criticism after sourcing bodies from local graveyards to get him through the tough module on anatomy. Fox later apologized to the families of the deceased, returned the bodies to their original graves and spent the rest of his student grant on a plastic skeleton.

While at college, the boy from East Kilbride joined indie feedback artists The Jesus and Mary chain, but his conventional percussion technique soon fell out of favour and he was replaced by Bobby Gillespie, who had a better haircut and a full, clean driving licence.

In the 2009 expenses scandal, Fox was found to have the largest over-claim on expenses after forking out twenty grand on rare diamonds for his miniature friend Adam Werrity, who lives in Fox’s blazer pocket and advises him on matters of state.

Fox takes a hardline stance on issues such as abortion, believing they should only be carried out by a struck-off general practitioner with a coat-hanger for the right price.

While working in the ministry of defence, Fox demanded access to confidential files which he claimed held evidence of a government cover up regarding the existence of extra-terrestrial life and a human-alien breeding program. Fox believes the X-Files character Fox Mulder was created as a tribute to his tireless work in exposing the Zeta Reticulans who present the weather on Channel Five.

Despite his cheeky smile, Fox has been constipated by the same congealed mass of faeces since downing a bottle of Advocaat on his twenty-first birthday.

Next Match

Arsehole Premier League

Season
2016
Total

Career Total

Season
2016
Total