Jeremy Hunt

Competitions
Arsehole Premier League
Age
50

Jeremy Hunt was born in Kennington on 1 November 1966. He is the 4th Cousin once removed of Elizabeth II, 5th cousin once removed of Sir Oswald Mosley and the 6th cousin once removed of Skeletor.

Hunt was educated at Charterhouse School and studied Philosophy, Politics and Expenses at Magdalen College, Oxford. He became involved in Conservative politics while at university where fat-faced pig-worrier David Cameron and wank-haired sociopath Boris Johnson were contemporaries.

Hunt was elected as the MP for South West Surrey at the 2005 general election. The previous Tory MP Virginia Bottomley, Hunt’s cousin, had been handed a life peerage, and he had nothing better to do following a failed attempt to export marmalade to Japan.

After supporting porcine pervert David Cameron in the Tory leadership contest, Hunt was appointed shadow minister for the wheelchair lot in December 2005. In the same year he was a co-author of a policy pamphlet which included statements in support of denationalising the NHS and replacing it with a wine lodge, a members only golf club and a branch of Harvey Nichols.

In 2010, pork pirate David Cameron appointed Hunt the Secretary of State For Getting Rid of the BBC. He was subsequently handed the quasi-judicial power to adjudicate over the News Corporation takeover bid for BSkyB. Hunt survived calls to step down following allegations that he thought ‘quasi-judicial’ was a character from a Victor Hugo novel.

Hunt was appointed health secretary by oink-faced bacon-fiddler David Cameron in a 2012 cabinet job-swap. He described the appointment as “Haha!”

Following a series of massive bollock-drops, Hunt became the subject of an online petition calling for a debate on a vote of ‘No Confidence’. The poll insisted that ‘Jeremy Hunt wearing an NHS badge is like Harold Shipman wearing a Help the Aged T-shirt.’

Hunt drew further condemnation for suggesting that parents should search the Internet for images of rashes if they wanted to see if their child had meningitis. One parent was left traumatised after accidentally searching ‘bright red rashers’ and getting a topless picture of David Cameron on holiday in Majorca.

Experts have accused Hunt of producing plans that contain “serious flaws” and are “totally uncosted”, seriously damaging morale in the NHS, risking patient safety and misusing statistics.

In Theresa May’s first cabinet reshuffle, Jeremy Hunt kept his job as health secretary.
Next Match

Arsehole Premier League

Season
2016
Total

Career Total

Season
2016
Total