Philip Hammond vs Nigel Farage

vs

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Date Time Competition Season
January 21, 2017 3:00 pm Arsehole Premier League 2016

Recap



Match Preview by Angry Salmond, you can read the rest of his predictions here.

Like its inevitable winner, this contest is a no-brainer. Nigel Farage looks like what what would happen if Kermit the Frog actually banged Miss Piggy, and the inner workings of his mind are equally unsightly. The media referring to him as a “man of the people” is pretty ridiculous given how much Farage seems to dislike most people on this planet. He appears determined to solve every problem with racism. I genuinely believe that Nigel wants the British workplace to resemble the Death Star; all white, English males in love with an Empire.

Indeed, the former UKIP leader has become quite the little pissed-up Palpatine; like the deceitful Sith lord, Farage’s dark influence is never far away from catastrophic political events. He is arguably the driving force behind Brexit, and the rise of the alt-right, as well as being a malevolent adviser to Donald Trump. Of course, in truth, Nigel is little more than a sycophant, grovelling at the feet of fascism. For all his talk, Farage has never been elected in Britain. He is a double-dealing hypocrite who has spent most of his life speaking out against the EU and immigrants, all whilst gleefully spending his MEP salary on projects that could see him migrate to the US. Farage might claim that an independent Scotland would be governed by Brussels, but, compared to him, that would be bloody spectacular.

Results